Homemade Baby, $60 OBO

Dan is finally going to the doctor for his pinkeye (which he has had for over a week now) and apparently it only costs $60 for the appointment. I remarked "$60? That's all? I thought you had to give up your firstborn child to go to the doctor. I guess our first baby will be worth $60." and Dan replied "If that." lolzzz. Then we discussed going into the baby selling business. If we have it in the bathroom there's no production costs! Fucking genius.
I just took a long nap, which I needed. I really wasn't functioning today at work. I think Sunday was the busiest day I've ever seen. During my nap, I dreamt I had to run to the basement to find strawberry jelly for an order, and it took me forever to get down there and then I couldn't find any anywhere. I really hate dreaming about work. Before I moved, I used to dream about work almost every night. Very vivid, almost lucid dreams where I was helping the line but I was aware that I was supposed to be sleeping. It was pretty much like I was working all night. Except I didn't make any tips.
Tomorrow is my day off, we're going to go our original road trip of Bennington and Manchester. This is perhaps the first road trip we ever took together back in the day (with the exception of NYC) and it remains my favorite. We've done it twice now, and both times it was really nice.
On Wednesday, Trampatha and I are going on a "Sober Adventure" after work, meaning we've never really hung out sober. We're always at a bar/drunk sitting on a sidewalk somewhere. But we're both working 6 days this week and still want to have girls night, so I guess that means we have to do it sober. We discussed starting a secret affair today, where we tell our BF's we're "running errands" or "grocery shopping" but actually having girls night.
OK, I'm officially hungry and need to figure out where to go on a date tonight.

I'm having a rough week.

I have hurt myself more this week then I have in the past several months combined.

First, I cut myself at work while making bagel sandwiches. It happens sometimes (more often to me now than before I moved away for some reason) and usually you can just throw a band-aid on it and keep going. But this time I was bleeding. A lot. I mean, it wasn't stitch-worthy, but it's definitely one of my more severe cuts. Probably the second worst since I've been there. It was okay once I got a few band-aids on it.

Next, I was making soup from a new recipe the other night. Sweet potato soup. Yummy. The recipe called for one fresh jalapeno, de-seeded. No problem, I thought. I cut it open and scraped the seeds out with my thumb. I then washed my hands a few times in a row to make sure I got all the jalapeno juice off of them. Awhile later, my soup is simmering on the stove and I'm trolling around the interweb, and I touch my face. It feels kind of burny. I wondered if it was from the jalapenos, but thought I was being silly.

Fast-forward a few hours, dinner is eaten (delicious, by the way) and we're getting ready to go to Target. I had taken my contacts out after work, and went to the bathroom to put them back in. That's when I learned the life lesson that you're supposed to wear gloves when you de-seed jalapenos. Apparently the oils get into your skin and soap and water do nothing to get them off. It takes days. And jalapeno in your eye doesn't feel good. I've had to wear gloves to put my contacts in for the past few days. It's a pain in the ass.

As if those two things weren't enough, yesterday I was bageling again and a stupid bagel got stuck in the back of the stupid toaster so I reached in to pull it out (as I often do) but this time I wasn't careful enough and I touched the inside of the toaster with my arm. I was in denial about how bad the burn was at first, but it's pretty gross. Thankfully it doesn't really hurt anymore (unless I bump it on something) but it's just nasty to look at. And I'm pretty sure it's going to leave a scar.

Thankfully I have today off, Travers Saturday. I'm a bit hungover and trying my hardest to hide inside all day. Next week I agreed to work 6 days which won't be too bad, I don't think. I have Tuesday off and then the following Monday off, so I'm only actually working 5 days in a row without a break. Plus I'll get over 8 hours of overtime, and an extra day of tips. We just bought a bed so the extra money will be good.

For our road trip on Tuesday, we're going to Manchester to shop for clothes, which is one of the few girly things I actually like doing. Fall is my favorite season, I love sweaters and stuff, so I'm really excited to go.

Okay, time to find something to read.

What the fuck is that mountain doing there?

We had road trip Tuesday: Monday edition today. We went up to Ausable Chasm in the Adirondacks, and then to Lake Placid. I've never been that far north in New York before, it's like 30 miles from Canada or something. It was beautiful up there, the mountains were very impressive. I think they're bigger than the Green Mountains in Vermont, (update: they are) but I don't know for sure. While I've never been out west, I'm aware that the Rocky Mountains are far more impressive, but having grown up in Iowa, the mountains out here never fail to amaze me. I didn't appreciate the landscape the first time I lived here, and I really missed it while we were in Minneapolis. This time around we're taking full advantage of how nice this area of the country is.


We were thinking about going to Howe Caverns, but decided they were too lame. Actually, we still might go someday. I've never been in a cave before. But Dan's dad suggested Ausable Chasm and I'm glad he did. While it was kind of crowded (there's one main trail that splits off into two halfway through) and there were tons of kids there (Me: "I fucking hate children." Dan: "This oughtta be a fun day.") it was really very cool. They call it the "Grand Canyon Of the East" and I guess that's fair to say. The best view on the hike:
After the hike we drove to Lake Placid because it wasn't that far away, although we took the wrong highway so it took much longer to get there (my bad). It was okay, a little kitschy for my taste, and in my opinion they need to let the whole "The Olympics were here in 1980" thing go. They've been riding that fame wave long enough. We did find a great deli for lunch and then had some ice cream next to Mirror Lake. Then I got crabby, which is how we know the road trip needs to end. It happens every time.
On the way home, we found this frightening taxidermy place ("shop?") with some real, stuffed black bears, a moose, and the pièce de résistance, a lion eating a giraffe. Where the fuck they got a lion and a giraffe is beyond me. Ebay? I couldn't resist having my picture taken with a black bear (as I'm a bit obsessed with bears in general) but I had to get out of there stat because the whole thing was super creepy. I put the picture up on facebook for anyone who is interested.

The only thing missing from our day was a giant crocodile:

No Pictures

About a month ago a woman from some Saratoga magazine (Saratoga Today?) was taking photos of UG. I'm not sure of what exactly, a bagel probably, the outside of the building, etc. But then she started taking pictures of us, without permission. We didn't like it (I mean, come on. We're working-we're all sweaty and disheveled. Who wants that out in the world?), and asked her to stop. I believe her exact response was "There's nothing you can do about it."
I'm not sure about privacy laws-I know you can take someones picture on the street, but I feel like in a privately owned business you should not be able to to take photos-especially of employees-without their permission. Especially for use in a magazine. I also think that it's basic courtesy to ask permission before taking pictures of strangers.
So anyway, the woman proceeded to take a few more pictures of us, even after we asked her to stop, but we were glaring at her and she quickly skedaddled. But it happened again today!
Some random guy (a tourist probably-he was with his family, screaming baby and all) was standing at the end of the bar snapping pictures of us while we worked. Corey told him he had to stop, but he didn't. Until we all started making a scene. Charlie declared that we should call the guy "Pervert" and started yelling "Hey, pervert, stop taking our picture!" Meanwhile, the guy was waiting for his food. He appeared to be really uncomfortable, so I made sure to give him furious eyes as much as I could while still bageling quickly.
The thing is, what would he possibly do with pictures of us working? Like, frame them and hang them on his living room wall? I doubt it. Probably he was just some middle-aged schmuck trying to be artsy. Fucking asshole.
Someone threw the idea out there that we should go take pictures of him eating lunch. Nobody wanted to risk their job, although it would almost have been worth it.
Is racing season over yet?

What am I, a grown-up or something?

My 2 year anniversary is coming up in October, and we booked a room at a B&B in Vermont for it. That seems incredibly adult to me for some reason. I struggle with the fact that I'm a "grown-up" sometimes. I have this theory that once you cross the threshold into grown-updom there's no going back, so I'm resiting with all my might. That's not to say I'm not actually a grown up (I work and pay bills and grocery shop and all that other adulty stuff) I'm just in denial.
I'm excited about going to the B&B. It's going to be really nice. We have to go 2 weeks after our actual anniversary because during foliage season you have to book rooms for two nights and be really rich and stuff. Which is stupid. But whatever.



Last night was Girls Night Out. I got really drunk off two drinks before 10pm somehow and remained ridiculously intoxicated until I went to bed at 1am or something. I wasn't planning on getting that wasted, though. Tabatha announced that the three of us (Jones, Tab, and Me) make a good trio (although she was drunk so I think she actually said "threeo"): Jones is the Chic one, Tabatha is the slut, and I'm the badass. That's pretty true. At one point I told some middle aged guy who was hitting on Tabatha (SLUT!) that she was my girlfriend, and anyway he was way too old to be hitting on her (BADASS!). What is it with these middle aged men tourists that make them thing 20-something girls want to sleep with them? I'm thinking temporary alcoholism is the only way I'm going to deal with the tourists for the rest of the summer. It seems like a good strategy.

I heart the onion

Samsonite Releases New Roller Wallet

This is one of my favoriet Onion news clips. It cracks me up every time. I spent an obscene amount of time on their website last night watching video clips and reading my favoriet articles. I miss the free Onion. Why do they make you pay for it here? LAME!

My favorite Onion news story of all time:

Kraft Doubles

My favorite Onion video clip of all time:

I dreamed your baby

This is kind of old news, but I was just thinking about it. A few weeks ago, I had a vivid dream that I was pregnant with twins. At this point, the details of the dream are hazy, but I remember being scared but wanting to keep 'em. Also Dan was excited in the dream.
The dream was so real that I woke up thinking I was preggers. I told Dan about the dream and all he had to say was "Yikes." Yikes is right, sucker. I felt creeped out all morning, and ended up talking about the dream at work. A girl I work with jumped into the conversation because she thought she might be pregnant, and she is the only person in her family not to have twins yet, so there was a chance it was twinsies. She hadn't talked about the possible pregnancy before that moment, so it was weird. I told her I hoped it was her and not me.
Last week the pregnancy was confirmed, although not the twins part yet. So this means a couple of things: 1) I'm definitely psychic 2) I'm definitely not pregnant 3) I definitely dreamed her babies.

I've been really tired this weekend. I can't wait for racing season to be over. I'm too grumpy to deal with customers level of neediness. "I want my cappuccino moderately dry (what does that even mean? "Moderately."). Give me a grande triple skinny mochaccino (what does that even mean?) Give me a blueberry bagel. Is this my bagel? Can you make sure number 76 is toasted well but not burned? Can you suck my balls while you make my sandwich?" The one thing that made my life worth living today was when Bob and Charlie kissed on the lips per my request. It was incredible.

Crabby

You'd think with all the excitement I experienced over finding a blog name I'd actually want to blog. Whatever, I'm busy.

So I had an altercation with a mattress salesman at Mega Mattress in Wilton last night. We went to get an idea of prices. Of course there was this typical slimy Italian bro trying to sell us this mattress right then. I mean, we were clear that we didn't want to buy a mattress at that time, but he would not shut up.
He knocked $200 off the price, claiming something about being one sale away from a trip to Hawaii or something. We kept going back and forth, us saying we weren't buying anything right then, him being cocky and insisting we were stupid not to buy it. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and told him sassily trip to Hawaii or not, and we didn't want to buy a mattress tonight. Then he was like "You're walking away from the deal of a lifetime here." I swear, that's a direct quote. Dan was quickly ushering me to the door, recognizing my rage and understanding the things that might come out of my mouth. So all I got to say on the way out the door was "The deal of a lifetime? On a mattress? Wooooow." Then the guy angrily yelled something like "$798 if you ever come back!" When we were already outside. As soon as we got in the car Dan pointed out that now we can never go back there. But that's fine with me, that guy was a moron.

Dan and I got Tuesdays off together, and we've been going on road trips the past couple of weeks. It's great to get the hell away from the tourists here once a week. Last Tuesday we went to New Paltz, because that's where Dan went to grad school and I've only been there once briefly on our way back from the city.

First we went to Minnewaska State Park Preserve which is right outside New Paltz. It's up on a mountain, and it was perhaps the first mountain I've actually been on in my life. I mean, I can't say for sure I've never driven on a mountain in Vermont or something, but to my knowledge I haven't. You drive up this steep windy road to get the the park, and then when you enter the park the road is way more steep. Dan was terrified.

It was really beautiful. I forgot to bring sneakers, so we couldn't hike too much. Also, I did a lot of bear research a month ago and I was kind of scared that we would run into one. Especially because the higher we got, the more dense the trees got and there were no other people anywhere. I would like to make a day of it sometime, though, fear of bears or not. There is a waterfall there somewhere, and miles and miles of trails. Here's a picture of Minnewaska Lake: