Dear New Neighbors,
Oh, hi. We are your neighbors who live diagonally upstairs from you. You don't know us yet, but will soon learn to hate us as much as I already hate you.
In the month that you have lived here, you have talked to Dan four times. You are lucky Dan was home each time, because you would not have wanted to talk to me. He is much more diplomatic than I will ever be.
Why, exactly, do you need the bass to be all the way up? What is stopping you from listening to music like a civilized human? Also, when you cram tons of drunk people into every room of your apartment, and they are all screaming, do you know that it sounds like they are in our apartment?
We have defeated neighbors in the past, and we will crush you, little neighbors, like ants. The landlord is on speed dial, and he is on our side. Trust us.
From your #1 enemies,
Lindsay & Dan
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